last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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