TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
