I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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