Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My bed is full of blood and feathers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
