something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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