The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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