Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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