Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
