so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
