Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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