So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
