i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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