I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Text me some of your sweat
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
