Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
