i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
