i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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