booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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