all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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