Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
