It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
