one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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