Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
