I hate your face
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
