I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
