Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
