a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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