Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
