I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
