when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
