we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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