Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and she was petting her beer can
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
