If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
