i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
