i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
