those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
