your thong is hanging out like whoa
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
