My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
