she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
