Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
