i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
