I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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