he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
