Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
