it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
