Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
