I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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