Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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