I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
