Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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