After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
