Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
