I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
