I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
