I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
